Share |
Pages: 1 ... 18 19 [20] 21 22 ... 31
  Print  
Author Topic: My Mother was told today she has bowel cancer  (Read 49921 times)
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #285 on: March 20, 2012, 06:12:44 PM »

I should be there now I suppose but she only arrived approx 45 minutes ago so I'll let them settle her in. I'll try and see what I can take to the home and see how long I'll be allowed to stay tonight, she may be tired. Tomorrow is another day. They'll need to tell me what I am/am not allowed to do too. They may wish to ask questions about her and I will ask what I can take in for her comfort even if that's food.

Thanks again...
Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #286 on: March 20, 2012, 09:18:44 PM »

I don't think it would hurt to be pro active and tell them what kind of things would comfort your mum rather than asking. If it is accepted as both parties ensuring that the best possible things are put in place for your mum then you should be able to work well with the home. It's always better to appraoch it as working together in her best interests.
Hope it goes well!
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #287 on: March 20, 2012, 11:28:28 PM »

I have to be careful Hazel, that I sound too disappointed or critical of the home...its never going to be like being in your own place...

Mum is still brighter...and I hear that she had some sandwiches and tea at the home when she arrived.

She can have her music on and as long as she wishes...the staff seem to be friendly/nice.

I can stay for ages but I left around 10.30pm as unknown to me they have amongst her meds, a nightly sleeping tablet. To think I had weaned Mum off those...oh well! If they help her have a restful night its fine.

I think likes me there at night more than the day, it calms her and makes her feel safe.

She is not afraid.

I think some of her clothes have been left at the hosptial when she transfered here.

I'll have to see what I can find at home that she can wear.

I took in her night dresses(one has shrunk slightly)and a few bits and pieces.

The room is quite basic and is probably more like a box room and some of the space is lost because of the toilet and sink.

She would like to be home but has accepted where she is and is happier.

Its not too difficult to get to but its a bit further away than I thought it was and a taxi costs 5 each way. So when I go I'll stay so I only make two trips daily.

A week of going to the hospital is 180(the home its 70)that's quite different. If I can get a bus one way that may save a bit more. But I'll do it whatever is the best way...Mum's worth it!

Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #288 on: March 21, 2012, 11:06:46 AM »

Then the cold hard facts hit you between the eyes. The Social Worker phones today and asks "Am I happy that Mum is where she is" "Was I given any choice where Mum was placed" "Could I cope if Mum came home" "Do I want Mum home" etc...Well the home is better than the hospital...Mum is happier there than in hospital though she would love to come home and still clings to that hope.

I know I could cope and I know care would be available so that still goes through my mind but if I did that, we lose that bed in what seems to be a home with a high reputation of care. When its gone...its gone!

And then of course the Social Worker says "Mum is not a well lady and though no time limit has been put on her, her needs are more complicated now and yes her time is limited." And there's Mum saying she hopes that she'll get better...It's heartbreaking. I guess I knew that more than ever when they offered the care for free, they don't do that lightly. So our time together looks as though its not as much as I had hoped.

At home I'd be there 24/7 I probably could do that at the home but its more likely the best I could do to be fair is 12 hours.


The home is Mum's side room.

So I'm going to stay with her as much as I can. I'll start to get ready now. And see what today brings...

Update:Running late, so much for the idea of being with Mum for no later than 2pm.

The news is that they managed to have Mum sitting in the lounge this morning. And I have been out to buy a little radio and it allows me to play the mp3 through it and I now have a charger so I can charge the mp3 player without having to depend on the computer back at home. So Mum can have her music 24/7. Its a mono DAB radio but it also has AM/FM on it.

But with this charger I can also charge up the separate stereo speakers I had at home so she she can still have stereo sound for the mp3 player.

I'm preparing a meal and some flasks to take up for Mum and/or me. I'll have something to listen to whilst there too and not sit in silence.

I've been trying to get some clothes together for Mum...

Whilst getting ready the home phone has gone twice and I've thought "Oh Dear!" and both have been trying to get me to insulate the house. I hate cold calling at the best of times but in our circumstances.

See you later...
« Last Edit: March 21, 2012, 04:16:46 PM by Popperwell1 » Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #289 on: March 21, 2012, 11:14:51 PM »

It's a bit of a confusing time with different professions being involved, you'll have to look at the pros and cons of the situation what mum gets at the home compared to what you can offer at home and see how she settles in. Hope you had a nice visit tonight.
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #290 on: March 22, 2012, 06:35:20 AM »

Thank you Hazel,

Well they checked on Mum 5-6 times whilst I was there(and changed and rearranged the bedding a few times)and were able to offer pain relief during the night, the dosage of liquid morphine was less than the Dr prescribed for her when at home(and Mum only took that once)

I won't be doing it every night but I believe the early hours are the worst if you feel ill or afraid so I have spent just under 12 hours with Mum overnight in the home. And when I finally left, Mum was having a lovely peaceful sleep and therefore its a fair bet she was not in pain.

The staff were fine about my staying which was very kind of them and appreciated. Mum asked me to stay and I think that probably helped keep Mum calm. So I came out of the home to a cold and frosty morning and now all being well Mum will be resting soundly and I left the mp3 player quietly the music Mum loves.

And me, it's my turn to go to bed and get my sleep. It wasn't too bad, I was in a nice big armchair(but its still not the same as a bed!)

I hope today is another kind one for both of us...

See you later!
Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #291 on: March 22, 2012, 11:20:03 PM »

When I arrived I was told that it was inappropriate to stay overnight.

There's Mum wanting me to keep her company through the night when she's at her most vulnerable, afraid...just to see someone familiar when she wakes. I'm not in the way, I'm not making any noise. I asked before I did it...and was told "No Problem!"

I don't interfere with her sleeping pattern, I think she slept better because I was there.


Tonight, I am told by Mum, she's left on her own most of the time before I came up, she not eaten or drunk much but though its bowel cancer the pain and soreness is her mouth/throat and that's stopping her eating and drinking and if that was sorted perhaps she would improve more. Whether temporary or otherwise.

I was there only a short time and I had already managed to get her to drink a complan and they were pleased.

She said tonight the place is so quiet...usually they leave her so she can only see the ceiling, I do at least prop Mum up so she can see anyone passing by the room. It was so sad her watching me leave and waving to me.

She's not as happy where she is and its not much different to the hospital when you are on your own and you are ill and know it yourself. Unfortunately, I have to abide by the rules.

I hope tomorrow is better for both of us. And they've got rid of me overnight but I'll be there by mid morning and stay as long as I can.
Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #292 on: March 23, 2012, 12:05:54 PM »

Popperwell

Just kindly point out the things that would make mum feel abit better that you have mentioned here, there is an issue i guess about staying over because there are other residents there even though you are in a room separately, it's one of the drawbacks of shared accomodation. You could ask if you can access her care plan to ensure that it is meeting her needs and ask whether you could help in putting it together, it maybe called a support plan, they detail how someone needs to be supported in the way that they want to.
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #293 on: March 23, 2012, 01:38:43 PM »

Thanks Hazel,
I am about to visit now.

I noticed Mum's fingernails were dirty(they were in hospital and in the care home...considering how they go on about such thing. I remembered to take something like a nile file in and took all that away. Actually, I couldn't find the file and used a cocktail stick! But it worked. I know there are more important things in Mum's care but how long to see Mum has clean hands?

Mum probably has very limited time. I hope I am wrong.

Most residents probably are ok being visited during the day.

Someone sitting quietly dozing in a chair(me)for when she wakes frightened, able to give her hand a squeeze and a reassuring word does no harm.

I think she slept more calmly when I was there.

I'm not wandering around the home affecting other residents.

It could be argued I'm around and more likely to spot if/when something goes wrong.

Unless she presses her alarm button or they come around when there is a problem there are a approx 2-3 hours where they'd miss her when help is needed.

If she's in bed and left alone most of the time, the pattern will be to sleep all the time...Thank heavens I left her music playing.

Anyhow, I've had a long chat with the McMillan Nurses and been given some advice. So we'll see how things are over the weekend and early part of next week.

McMillan Nurses have given me some advice about meds and are sending some books about how to possibly build Mum up calorie wise.

Again, if Mum's mouth was to improve I think she'd eat/drink more.
They think she has thrush.

I've lots of milk to make up some Complans, some chicken and mushroom soup and tea and coffee and some sandwiches for me(but if she'd like a tea/coffee Mum can.

Some yogurts and today I may be there at teatime and help feed her but until I get there I don't know if its a good or bad day.

Just away to get shaved and then I will get a taxi and hopefully stay until 10pm and that's approx 8 hours.

Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #294 on: March 23, 2012, 04:09:04 PM »

It is good that the Mac Milan nurses have given you some advice on hoe to help mum i hope the visit went well.
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #295 on: March 24, 2012, 11:01:47 AM »

You do have to accept to some extent expert advice given by consultants but both times Mum has been to hospital for the check on her progress we have never seen the actual consultant but a member(a Dr I'll grant you)who is a radio therapist but when they still say its a slow cancer and if Mum could become strong again and built up(clutching at straws)be offered a colostomy.

When they say Radio Therapy won't work again other than stop bleeding...and Mum has not been put through any more scans...have we given in too easily?

Would RT make a difference, should we have said please give it another try?

I do wonder if the consultant might've said something different.

Mum's had more pain lately from the thrush in her mouth and she says if that was corrected she would eat and drink more but so far the drug given to improve that has not worked even though she's been on it 10 days but in hospital I don't think was given regularly enough and correctly.

I understand that she can have an alternative course of tablets that may be more successful(I hope)trouble is whilst we wait for that to improve if she doesn't eat in the meantime she'll become weaker.

Perhaps that's going to happen sooner than later anyhow and Mum's time really is limited anyhow but where's there's life, there's hope.

I received a phone call yesterday, it seems a Dr has been calling here and could not understand after Mum's discharge from hospital why he was not getting an answer. They had not been informed that Mum was in a care home.

They are calling a Dr in on Monday to give Mum the once over and perhaps discuss the treatment/drugs Mum is being given.

With the latest news story about aspirin(again probably too late)you wonder if its worth giving it to Mum as the story suggests it can stop,slow down or reverse cancer that has developed already. What has Mum to lose?

One slightly funny story...I was told Mum had tried to eat some chocolate when no one was around and some of it had melted over hands so when they came in to check her she and some of her bedding was covered in it. And at first they wondered what she had been doing.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2012, 11:25:06 AM by Popperwell1 » Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #296 on: March 24, 2012, 12:19:50 PM »

Yu are right i think you just have to listen to what the doctors are saying and just keep abreast of how they are supporting her in the home. Your mum should have been allocated a key worker who you can liase with directly regarding any issues in the home.
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
alisonhelen
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 1519


It's good to be alive!


« Reply #297 on: March 24, 2012, 07:41:04 PM »

Hi Popperwell, I'm not too sure giving your Mum aspirin at this stage is wise without consulting a Dr as although it has good properties, it can cause bleeding in the stomach.

Oral thrush can be caused by a lowered immune system, typical of cancer patients, another thing to watch out for is that if she wears dentures, they are thoroughly cleaned and not left in all day! Yoghurt is also a good thing to eat which will help aleviate symptoms, I assume it has to be a 'live' culture and probably not a fruit one.

Hope your Mum has been in better spirits this weekend and that the warmer weather has helped you with visiting....... much nicer than going out in the rain and cold!

best wishes, Alison
Logged

Come with me on a journey, no map, destination unknown and I'll travel your path with you. We'll hold each other up when the road gets steep, we'll laugh and cry along the way, because I feel your pain and you feel mine.
Feel free to read my blog:-'Why not me?' http://alisonhelen.blogspot.co.uk/
Popperwell1
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 338


« Reply #298 on: March 24, 2012, 10:22:54 PM »

Thanks Alison,
I have just left Mum 10 minutes ago...Mum likes me there at night but I have to come home. Sad

No dentures to worry about  Smiley

She's not in too much pain...She had not eaten much today but I managed to get some Ambrosia Banana Custard, A Complan, Cream of Chicken Soup and some fruit juice into her. Cheesy

Tomorrow she's promised to have some chicken so I will mince it into mashed potato and maybe add a little gravy for flaovour. They said I can take it in. I also hope to go in sooner tomorrow and listen to Mum's favourite music programme as we always used to at home.

However much care(is needed here)and how long she has, she is determined to come home. Still happier there than in hospital though.

They are going to try and see if she'll have her hair styled on Tuesday by a hairdresser who comes in...we'll see, she seemed initially interested and then later said to me she'd changed her mind...best to see how she is on the day.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2012, 10:25:30 PM by Popperwell1 » Logged

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

http://www.quotegarden.com/
Hazel
Volunteer Moderator
Hero Member
****
Posts: 2879


Everything is better in Purple!!


« Reply #299 on: March 25, 2012, 05:36:24 PM »

It sounds as if you are settling into s nice routine, and giving your mum the food she likes is a good way of still being helpful and involved.
Logged

Call the nurses on 08450 719 301
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
Blogging at http://elkamouri.blogspot.co.uk/
Below is a bit about me and bowel cancer
http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/index.php/topic,1677.0.html
Pages: 1 ... 18 19 [20] 21 22 ... 31
  Print  
 
Jump to: